Bully vs Disruptor

Yesterday I wrote a post in a group I follow. 

It was about something have been observing and in my awareness for a while and I kept putting it off because I questioned whether it’s “worth” bringing up. I decided to finally speak up about it. 

My post was saying, “I see this, and I care enough to speak to it".

I was surprised by how many people resonated. I wasn’t alone in what I had seen. Others had felt it, too. Some even thanked me for putting words to what they hadn’t known how to say.

But not everyone responded with openness. Some tried to shut me down. Tried to twist my words. Tried to bully me for simply bringing something to light. I wasn’t calling anyone out, I was simply calling an observation forward. But still, a few came for me personally. As if awareness itself was an act of aggression and accusation. 

Which brings me to something that I think needs to be clarified, what’s the difference between being a bully… and being a disrupter?

A bully is direct but not in a grounded or respectful way. A bully uses confrontation to control, shame, or dominate. Their words are directed at someone. There’s an energy of targeting. Of putting someone “in their place", even if they claim to be “just telling it like it is",  the intention underneath is to wound, not to awaken.

A disrupter, on the other hand, brings awareness without attack. They may name uncomfortable truths, but not to shame anyone. They speak to the pattern, not to the person. They hold up a mirror, not a weapon. 

A disrupter says “Look, this is happening, can we talk about it?” 

Bullying says, “You’re wrong and I’m here to expose you".

The difference is subtle, but powerful. One comes from reactivity. The other comes from responsibility. One speaks from the wound. The other speaks from clarity. One demands power over. The other invites power within. And that, to me, revealed the most important truth of all. Sometimes, when you speak from awareness, those committed to distortion will label you the problem. Not because you were cruel. Not because you were attacking. But because they weren’t ready to reflect. So many of us have been conditioned to avoid disruption because we fear being seen as unkind, judgmental, or divisive. But avoiding disruption often allows harmful dynamics to continue unchecked. Sometimes, truth-telling is the most loving thing we can do. 

We need more people willing to speak when it’s hard. To have those hard conversations. We don’t need more people who keep the peace at the cost of integrity and truth.